A Little American Commentary

Monday July 30, 2012. Rochester, New York.

Dear Deanie Weanie,

Greetings from your fondest locale, the Armpit of America, Rochester, NY! Well, this is a nice correspondence you’ve put together for us. I’ve already had my way with the funnies, adding a little touch of immaturity in the form of a Jon Lajoie video. More to come, don’t worry.

I was also brought back to our BOF (beginning of friendship) during a tour of the Roch today as part of training for the start of my Americorps VISTA year tomorrow. I was reminded of our ‘Wild Goose Chase’ around the city that fated second day of orientation. I’m pretty sure you and I, after realizing our love of the Olympics (the epitome of atheltic ability, grace, control, strength, etc.), appropriately refused to jog in order to win the Goose Chase. It really was a friendship meant to be.

Though you send me pictures of potties, I’m still overwhelmingly jealous that you are in London for the Olympics. I can’t imagine what the energy must be like. I envision pubs full of viewers, spectators roaming the historic districts trying to locate the looming volleyball fields and avoiding errant bike racers, Harry Potter apparating from event to event, and Boy George slipping male athletes¬†rophenol and caging them in his flat. That’s accurate, right? Don’t get me wrong, my living room is the world’s center of excitement when that cutie Tom Daley dives, or when Ryan Lochte takes a breath, or when Michael Phelps grunts…


Over there in the Isles, you truly are missing out on the journalistic integrity of NBC’s reporting team, including guests such as Jon McEnroe and Ryan Seacrest this year. I hear the Brits are especially humble in their reporting. That blows! Cause America’s the effing best and the commentators won’t let you forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m including a bootleg version of my favorite clip from the coverage of women’s gymnastics qualifying last night. Enjoy:

Alexandra Raisman’s Parents
I really couldn’t diagnose Al’s mom with just that clip, so I’m anxiously awaiting Tuesday night for more footage of Mommy.

You wanted my life status update. As I said, I start my first grown-up job tomorrow at an Early College International High School in the City School District, which is actually a stipend-ed year of service. I’m excited to see what the year has in store for me, but I’m upset that they didn’t give me vacation days to enjoy the Olympics. Oh, and, I’ve googled mad places for us to start practicing our trap shooting for Rio.

Any plans to move from your couch during the rest of your stay in Londy?

Can’t wait to hear back!


Jujie Fruit


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